Fiction: The Butterfly - written in 1999 and poorly translated with Google Translate

Almada, 27 of March of 1999

It walked for the dirty streets of the city that had seen me to be born, to grow and almost to despair. It looked at for the cinereous walls that seemed to say almost everything, without having such pretension. E almost despaired. The walls were the same ones of always and the shouts that echoed in my head, also. Suddenly, something happened, the walls had been colored of some colors, many colors, already I do not remember which. The shouts had disappeared and alone it heard beautiful laughs, pure candies and. Pure, immensely pure, simply pure. Laughs of who do not wait nothing in exchange, of who wait to be able to give something, who know that we live, because do not wait everything, but because simply we wait something. E that “something” was this that now filled me? Not wise person. She did not want to know. Now she accepted the life with the same naivety that bébé accepted the o milk of the maternal seio. She did not want nothing, but only “something”. She only wanted re-to be born. E I obtained. It will be that now the butterfly already can fly? Perhaps, but exactly that it cannot, she is certainly beautiful.

Excerpt from Venice Preserved by Thomas Otway

O woman! lovely woman!
Nature made thee
To temper man:
We had been brutes without you.
Angels are painted fair, to look like you:
There ’s in you all that we believe of heaven,—
Amazing brightness, purity, and truth,
Eternal joy, and everlasting love.

Fiction: F-ed up

"I'm so f-ed up."
"Yes, you are."
"Look mate, you're here to help, not pull me down even more"
"Well, the fact is you have been f-ed up for a long time. I can't even remember when you weren't"
"So what do you propose?"
"I propose you stop thinking. It seemed to work for a while, remember?"
"It did, didn't it?"
"Well, you say it did. No proof though"
"Ok, ok"
"What else?"
"What else, what?"
"To help me, you know"
"Look, from what I see you are beyond lost. You are at this crossroads between everywhere and nowhere. This total vacuum of existence."
"Look Mr. Philosophy 101... practical help dude"
"Ok, ok. Practical. Leave your job and go to some island and have fun"
"Yeah, yeah"
"Well, you are reasonably successful. You have done tons of things, but you are not getting closer to your objectives, which were unrealistic in the first place"
"I see"
"Stop seeing man. Just go for it. Whatever It is. And stop the Renaissance man act"
"What do you mean?"
"You know what? You are really an arrogant bastard. You pretend you are not arrogant, but are so, so arrogant. You are in your own strange pedestal and keep reminding the rest of us 'mortals' that you are only after 'perfection' or almost"
"What a pile of shit"
"Oh now, is it? First of all, stop pretending you are normal. You are not. You will never be normal. You are way above the average and you now it. Even your personal life isn't that bad, but you keep pretending it's not good enough. It's not good enough, because you don't want it to be. It can't be or your life would be as close to perfection as it can probably ever be. You see, you would be stuck. Not much more to aim at. Sure you could aim at more money, another cute job, the woman of your life, but in general it would be evolutionary, not a step change and you love step changes"
"Ok, so what if all you've just said is true. What do I do?"
"Live life. Don't think too much. Don't think too little. Just enjoy the good moments you have and don't bring your 'incredible life stories' that show that you are inadequate and life isn't so great after all. It is great, at least for bastards like you. Oh and ignore any advice you are given"
"I will probably will, but this one doesn't seem bad"
"It doesn't, does it?"
"Well, I have to go, but thanks. You are a good friend although you pretend you are prick"
"Ah, you're welcome"

Fiction: The kite

The wind blows and the young boy moves slowly. He is looking up, his head tilted to his left.

He holds something in his hand. A wire or is it rope? He is concentrated as if he is holding more than a rope. As if he is holding some great weight. The weight of something he does not fully understand, but which he is committed to sustain. A weight he takes with him... that he moves left and right.

The young boy smiles for a moment. He tilts his head to his right and then goes serious again. He stops looking up and for a second... just one second he stops looking at his kite. When he will finally look back, he will have lost track of his kite and when he finally realizes where the kite has gone, it will be too late. It will be tangled in some wire or in some structure that outweighs it... that does not let it through.

The young boy will be upset for moment, even cry a tear or two.

Then he will abandon his kite and go home. Only to come back some days later with another rope, another kite, another weight.

Series: Northern Exposure

Difficult to explain Northern Exposure to those who haven't watched in. It is about a small town community in Cicely, Alaska. It's about a New York doctor who shouldn't be there, a radio station host come philosopher, a business woman come pilot come boyfriend "killer"... it's about... well, it's about humanity, life, everything and nothing.

It's the most philosophical series I've ever watched, it's intelectual comedy that does not apologise for being too intelectual. It was also a phenomenon in the early/mid 90s: nominated for over fifty emmys and several Golden globes, it went mainstream by not compromising the vision of its creators.

Anyway, just watch it.

Fiction: Come on

"Come on!"
"Come on, what?"
"Come on, let me see it"
"See what? There's nothing to see"
"You know. You can be a prick sometimes"
"So you keep telling me. Come on, don't be upset. I just"
"You just what?"
"I just think it's too early to show"
"Show it, show it!"
"Now, that's more like a 5 year old"
"As if Mr. Adult here never gets carried away"
"Fair point. No, I won't show you"
"Don't put your tongue out like an arrogant kid, which you are... but you know, it's not proper"
"I'll show you what's proper"
"I'll run"
"Please do"
"Come on, don't do that. We've just had lunch"
"Good exercise. You keep telling me I need to exercise"
"I'm faster than you"
"Yes, but we are in a confined space. I like to believe it's more about strategy"
"Oh, Mr. Strategist. Oh, I'm so scared"
"Girl, you are so going to be caught and then tickled into submission"
"Ok, ok. Take this."
"Why did you throw that water at me?"
"Oh, to freshen you up"
"I'm going to get you"

"Well...we've been running around the room for a couple of minutes, not making much headway"
"Yeah, I'm a bit tired"
"Me too"
"Shall we negotiate?"
"Yeah, I want to see it. I want to read it"
"Ok, but just a glimpse of the beginning of the first chapter"
"Ok, I promise"
"Here it is"
"Ok, ok..."
"Can you please read it without the sound effects?"
"Ok. Sorry"

"So, what do you think?"
"I'm on page 5. Come on. Let me read more"
"No"
"Ok. Well, I have a question: who is the girl you mention. I mean, who did you base it on?"
"Hummm"
"Well, you don't need to share. I'm just a good friend after all"
"You're teasing me"
"Yes, and?"
"How can I say this?"
"Come on, just tell me, even if I don't know her"
"It's... It's you"
"Sorry?!"
"Shit. How can I...? I really like you"
"Yes, you've said that in the past"
"I mean, I really really like you and have failed to express this...emotion for as long as we've been friends. I guess I really like you as a friends, but potentially would like to..."
"Don't say it!"
"Ok, I won't"
"I should go, shouldn't I?"
"No. Look. We are good friends. Let's just..."
"Forget all about this?"
"No, shit. What the hell am I saying? Look, I will not use the big L word, but I want to try it out. To see if we can be more than friends...slowly"
"But you know there's no way back, don't you?"
"I do and I don't know what to say"
"So don't"
"I won't"
"You do"
"Ok, I will shut up ... now"

Just like a pig

You probably know this but here it goes anyway: "In bacon and eggs, the chicken is involved, but the pig is committed."

So, I was just wondering: it's probably time I become more of a pig and less of a chicken.

Now back to our original (and some say quite boring) programming

Three clubs were a big part of my social life in London. This is an ode to them and to Phil, Agatha, Maria, Vladimir, DJ Sweet P, Kerry, Alex and all the others that made that experience so great.

Sure I had a good and full life in London, but these places were almost like home.

"And now for something completely different"

One of the truly outstanding one-liners of all times courtesy of Monty Python. A perfect illustration of nonsense comedy and the ideal interlude between different sketchs... moments and conversations that are apparently not related in any way.

Talking about Monty Python, I leave you with "Always look on the bright side of life". Not a fan of "Life of Brian", but anyway:

"Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.

So always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath

Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.

And always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the right side of life...
(Come on guys, cheer up!)
Always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the bright side of life...
(Worse things happen at sea, you know.)
Always look on the bright side of life...
(I mean - what have you got to lose?)
(You know, you come from nothing - you're going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing!)
Always look on the right side of life..."

Just as we talked about yesterday

I think You'll like this.

Series: The Sopranos

I have watched "The Sopranos" end-to-end from series 1 to part one of 6 and can only say that it is truly the series that has changed Television and put HBO on the map. It is edgy, violent, grey, but ultimately exceptional.

The acting is close to perfect. The screenplays are tight and guide you perfectly through the stories of this Mob "family".

A must-watch for anyone who believes that TV series can still be high-quality.

A message for You

Well, first thanks for today. I really enjoyed it.

Secondly, we talked about "highlights of the year" and this was definitely one of them. Not sure if it was by design or just ended up there, but it was definitely one.

Finally, I apparently need to give you hints on other posts related to you. So two posts, two hints:
- 2 to 3 weeks ago, you will get it straight away.
- 3 to 4 weeks ago, the trick is really in the abbreviation of your name.

Again, thanks and hopefully see you again next week or the week after.

Of mobile and cinema

The Sundance Institute and the GSM Association - the global mobile trade association - announced that they are launching a special project to develop short films exclusively for mobile distribution.

Although this seems to be a drop in the immense Ocean of mobile entertainment, it does illustrate an interesting point that many seem to forget: mobile is different. It is different not only because one can use services everywhere and at any time, but it is intrisically different from a user experience perspective: lower attention span, much smaller device form factor, among many other distinctive characteristics.

Yet, many seemed to believe - at least for a while - that the key to delivering content for mobile was content adaptation - basically making existing content more appropriate (in size and format) to mobile devices - NOT actually different content for mobile. I have always disagreed with that philosophy, but will not try to explain myself. Rather, I will applaud those that even in sub-scale conditions decide to try new things so that we, more than 2.5 billion mobile users of the world, can at least feel special once again.

Thank you.

Fiction: Speechless

She called him into a room and he said "Ok, what do you...". Her kiss had stopped him. He didn't know what to say after that as he also hadn’t known what to say before.

He was speechless and ultimately could only look at her in awe and then with some tenderness...not too much. He had learnt that women didn't like men who were too sensitive. At least, he thought that much he knew.

She looked at him and saw all his flaws: his inability to just "live the moment", his quirky way of dealing with awkward moments as if he was trying to justify the other person's behavior. She looked at him and said: "Did you like that?"

He thought it was a trick question. Either one that he shouldn't reply to or one where there was something that he was supposed to say, as if it was the dialogue of some movie or TV series that he had unfortunately missed. He kept quiet and just has she was turning her head to the floor as if in dismay ... "Why doesn't he answer?" - he thought that she thought... just as she was turning her head down, he said: "I love you".

Her face turned to shock and he realized there are things you simply can't say like that: without preparation, without a hint. But he should have known this. He had done similar things in the past and had always seemed to suffer from loss of timing, from loss of ability to read an intimate situation not unlike that one.

"Why not?" - he said while moving towards her. He grabbed her and kissed her. Not as if he was taking possession... no, he was just showing her that he belonged to her now. That her kiss had had a price and there was no returning him now to his former self.

She smiled and bit her lips. He smiled as well.

The Internet, Googling and Tie Knots

It is quite difficult to admit this, but until today I was only able to do one tie knot - the double-simple - and barely is the word that springs to mind. I had my friends, my father, my uncle and even my colleagues to do more complex knots for me - namely the Windsor - and never really knew how to do it. I just had the feeling someone would always do it for me or I would use the double-simple when I was in trouble.

This will look silly to most of you, but it's not the point of today's post.

The point is that today I decided to do the Windsor knot. I "googled" 'tie knot' and found several sites showing how to do it. I downloaded some diagrams and managed to do the knot for the first time in my life. It doesn't look perfect, but it's a start.

"So the point is that you now know how to do the damn knot?"

Not really. I don't think I could do it without looking at the diagram again and even if I don't have my laptop with me, I always know where to get it: the Internet using Google or some other search engine.

And this is the point of the post: are we really learning with the propagation of the Internet and the enhancement of search engines?

Probably not, it's almost like there is an immense knowledge on the Internet - more specifically on the World Wide Web - but it's just suspended above us and we pick it up whenever we want. The problem is a lot of the times - not always, granted - we are really not learning, because like me with the knots we take it for granted that we can always get it.

So I thought: what would happen to the world, if the WWW didn't work for 1 day, 1 week? What would happen if this suspended knowledge went away for a while? Other things would go away as well: transaction websites and ultimately if the Internet infrastructure wouldn't work, communication tools like email, among many other things.

I remember someone once wrote a short story about the future where this by then uber-connectivity would stop and people would finally rediscover the world around them: the smells, the landscapes, etc.

Well, this post is getting too deep already, so I will leave you with this thought: I love the Internet and am marvelled at the way it - as well as, for instance, mobile communications - has changed our lives, but I just hope we, and generations to come, don't forget to look around and rediscover ourselves, and those around us ... once in a while.

Whenever Wherever Whatever by Maxwell

Lead me on girl if you must
Take my heart and my love
Take of me all that you must
And if there's a thing that you need
I'd give you the breath that I breathe
'N if ever you yearn for the love in me
Whenever Whwerever Whatever

Wish I knew if I could
Be the one that you would
Love forever 'n a day baby
And if there's a thing that you need
For you 'n your blood I would bleed
Whenever Wherever Whatever

And if there's a thing that you need
I'd give you the breath that I breathe
'N if ever you yearn for the love in me
Whenever Wherever Whatever

P.S.: Just thought about this song. No message at all.

Venice and Paris

The last time I went to Venice I truly hated it. I thought I would love it. After all it's the city of romance. Well, I went alone so I ended up writing, writing and writing and not much more. It wasn't fun... at all. I didn't like the city... it was end of Summer, but there were too many tourists. I had been there before and it wasn't like that. Sure, I was a kid then, but it wasn't.

Paris... I've been there tons of times on work, leisure. I've even lived there for a while and I always see something positive about the city... it just takes me away with the flow and all of a sudden, even if I don't want to, I fall in love with something, with someone. It's just one of those cities.

Throughout the years I always thought that Paris stood for passion, whereas Venice stood for the more mature love, even true love. Today, I'm sure or at least I believe in it.

The theory - there had to be one - is that although I've in love (passion love) several times in Paris and have even enjoyed the city while in a relationship... there has to be more. There has to be a "true love" city and I bet on Venice.

So, I would say I am just looking to enjoy Venice truly. It has to be possible after all. Maybe it will just be about taking someone special (the one?!) there. Well, it's a tremendous responsibility for one city, but you can't blaim me at aiming at that.

And yet another one...

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Almada, January 20th 1999 (Almada, Portugal)

Simplify

Once upon a time, there was a little boy. He was just an ordinary boy, even his weight seemed normal (it was at the time).

That little boy (let's call him N) went to Kindergarden, like any normal boy of his age. But he wasn't normal, not according to his teacher. You see, this "teacher" once told his mother that her son had some problems. She said: "He is a little bit slow. He's probably retarded.". N's mom didn't want to hear any more, so she and his father decided to put him in Prep-School straight away. He was supposed to spend one year just learning, and he would only get into the first grade the year after. One month later, his new teacher told N's mom: "I think your son can do the first grade this year. So he won't have to lose any year at all.". N was five at the time, so he got into school one year before he was supposed to.

These events changed N's life. N always dealt very well with older people. His view on the world, because of his parents, his parents' friends and his summer travelling around the world, was really different from the kids his age. He even answered the "million dollar question": "What do you want to with your life, when you grow up?" with a somewhat unorthodox answer: "I want to be happy.". This answer has ever since ruled his way of living.

N was a shy boy. He didn't have many friends, he wasn't popular, but he was definitely a good student. N was always thinking. He thought a lot: about his life, his friends, the world. He still does.

When he reached a certain age, he became more outgoing. He didn't become Mr. Popularity, but he now had good friends, went out and did normal things for a boy his age. There was still a problem: his relationship with girls. He didn't have any female friends. But he managed to solve this problem, aswell.

His real problem is his incapacity to show what he feels about the ones around him, the ones he loves the most. His feelings sometimes are so strong, that they take over him, however, he just isn't able to show them.

He will probably also get through this phase. He will probably learn how to deal with his feelings; with his thoughts. Until then, there's only one thing he can do: live. At first he didn't want to believe that this was the answer to all his problems. It seemed too simple, and he had always looked for the most complex solutions to every problem, and he had became good at it, too. Now, he understands the only way to deal with all the problems is to "keep them simple".

This is his latest discovery, but still the one that is bound to change his life.

MUSIC I WOULD BE (AM) LISTENING TO: "Blame it on my youth", Brad Mehldau
FILM I WOULD BE (AM) WATCHING: "Much ado about nothing"

------------------------------------

P.S.: He did learn.

Yet another Thoughts text from 7 years ago. How I was different then... or was I?

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Almada, January 4th 1999 (Almada, Portugal)

On a Glorious Day

I was looking outside through the window.

"What a glorious day." - I thought.

I decided to go outside. While leaving the house, I realised there was something missing.

"My laptop!" - I screamed. There was no answer.

I looked for it and eventually found it under some papers I had been working on.

I went outside, sat on the grass and just looked up.

The sun was shining.

"What a glorious day." - I thought.

I started writing another "thought".

I decided to call it "On a glorious day".

It was about dreams and happiness.

Suddenly, I felt someone behind me.

I turned around quickly and grabbed her.

Yes, her...

My daughter.

I felt being pulled from behind. It was my son.

"Is this a son-daughter conspiracy?" - I asked, while trying to "take over" the situation.

"No.This is more like a family conspiracy."

It was my wife, who had decided to help our children out.

After struggling, I finally was able to grab my laptop and used my writing as an excuse for not being "attacked" again.

It stuck.

"You haven't written the date yet." - my wife realised, while looking at the "thought".

"Yeah, I seem to have forgotten to write it."

January...

4th.

2009.

On a surprisingly sunny day.

"What a glorious day." - I said out loud.

"Isn't it just a regular one?" - said my wife.

I looked at her and we kissed.


MUSIC I WOULD BE (AM) LISTENING TO: "Empty", Janet Jackson
FILM I WOULD BE (AM) WATCHING: "Everyone says I love you"

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P.S.: This is truly my "white picket fence" text.

On the move

This is my first post using my mobile and although it's not ideal, it's not awful either.

This brings me to the theme for today: on the move.

On the move potentially implies a lot things: freedom of movement, running from something or someone, or simply not settling down... A neo-beatnik kind of experience.

I know a lot of people who literally live on the move and I'm probably a good example myself. A good example of something bad. Of this loss of grouding and even sense of home. Of this lost sense of belonging. Sure, there are some perks like the freedom that I spoke above.

But I leave you with a question: just how much is too much freedom?

somewhere i have never travelled by e. e. cummings, posted by my good friend Gorod on Vertigo of Now.

As Gorod says in the comments section... breathtaking!

Travel ranking: Hotels

So I started with airlines and now it's time for hotels.

I decided to just go with urban and resorts. No distinction between cities or even cities... I really can't be bothered. Still, hope there's something of interest for you guys.

Urban
1. W Hotel San Diego: I absolutely love it. I have been there twice on vacation, because unfortunately I have never had any business trips to the incredible San Diego. What a hotel!
You relax as soon as you check-in. I know it must be the San Diego effect, since it's so close to Coronado and all, but it's more than that: Rice is a fantastic restaurant; the Living room is an absolute mess (in a good way) from Thursday to Saturday (cool music by the way); Magnet is very nice with incredible music, although you have to be aware of female "stag" nights... you might overindulged with female company and your photo might become a very important part of the evening; and finally the Beach... go early or you will need to use all your negotiation skills to get in (I did but also got lucky) - below your feet you will have sand, there is a fire(place), the "cabanas" and really cool and nice people - the waiters, bartenders and the "crowd", and then you look around and ... you're in the middle of downtown... sky-rises all around you and for a split second you feel special. This what makes it the best. That and the W service - West Coast style - not a big fan of the East Coast W service standards.

2. Island Shangri-La Hong Kong: I know it's not a shock: Asian service at its absolute best. You don't feel people are around you all the time to see if you need something. Rather, I have this belief there is some weird system they use... telepathic... it must be... just to know when you need something and then they will be around you. The rooms are great. Great views to either side and the food is exceptional: I am typically not a breakfast guy, but rather a "sleep guy"... but here I do make the effort to go downstairs.
Truly an exceptional hotel. I know in Hong Kong you will have the Peninsula, the Mandarin Oriental and the refurbished Intercontinental, but for me this is the one to beat.

3. Hotel Arts in Barcelona: Let me tell you a story: I had just had a very tough week filled with meetings, interviews and even my birthday. I had just had one of the best moments of my professional career, but was tired, very tired. I had decided weeks before to stay the weekend and switch hotels.
I walked in the hotel on Friday for a meeting and loved what I saw. Later I checked in, asked for a Barcelona match ticket, which I did get at a perhaps to hefty price... but still well worth it, and the rest... the rest was great: great food in the different restaurants; great room and the feeling that every moment of stress is just gone! Like that, just gone.
Barcelona is an exceptional city, but Arts is exceptional in its own right.

Special mentions: Hotel Omm in Barcelona with really incredible contemporary rooms, with a tremendous boutique and lounge feel: exceptional restaurant, one of the best breakfasts I've had in my life, a fantastic lounge and even a club.
W Los Angeles is fantastic with a great bar, great rooms and although the posy LA scene is still there... a great hotel overall.
Ian Schrager's Hudson in NY and Mondrian in LA... the Hudson with its three great bars/lounges, tiny rooms and great beds. A HUGE boutique hotel that actually works. The Mondrian is absolutely fantastic... mind you as posy as it gets, but with big minimalist rooms, a great Asia de Cuba and the (in)famous Sky Bar where you definitely feel you are in LA.
Skt. Petri in Copenhagen with one of the best bars in Copenhagen (better than the very famous NASA, I can assure you) and with the small cool rooms.

Resorts
1. Amankila and Amanusa in Bali: It was impossible for me to decide in favor of one versus the other. These are incredible examples of the Aman experience: service at its best (truly at its best), fantastic rooms and exceptional facilities with a very special focus on swimming pools that are just legendary - the infinite pool at Amankila and the "monument" at Amanusa.
Then you have private beaches, fantastic food... did I say incredible service: minor examples, I visited the three resorts in Bali this year and was upgraded in two of the three without so much as hinting to ask; had a haircut literally in the middle of the jungle by someone who had no clue of English (very good haircut by the way) and the best massage of my life.
Nothing can be said... this is it. As good as it gets.

2. The Grove in Hertfordshire: Considered one of the best Spas in Europe - it truly is. The rooms are... exceptional: huge plasma screens with vintage bathtubs, very nice beds. Great lounges in the old/original house and very good restaurants.
And then you have the Golf and the whole thing this year with Tiger Woods winning... not a golfer unfortunately, but the guys who know something about it say it's quite good. Have never checked Babington House... but until then, this is the paradigm in "Urban resorts" ... located on the countryside.

3. Soho House New York: "It's in New York. So, how can it be a resort?" It is. I assure you it is. You will not want to leave it to go to work so don't do that. That is called masochism.
From the moment you get in, you feel it's all yours. Sort of your house (only 25 rooms or so). People will treat you on a first name basis. The receptionist/concierge/personal assistant will probably be able to get you anywhere in town you want to be in - restaurant, club, etc... but who would want to if you are just staying in what is one of the best clubs in town and members' only for that matter.
Gorgeous pool on the top floor (very famous parties have taken place there). Private cinema (Soho house oblige). Great bar with very beautiful people. Great music. The Games room. Ok, the gym/spa is not overwhelming and you have the Gansevoort right next door, but then you get in the rooms. I stayed in a Playroom (the Playpen are the "smallest" rooms) and it's the Loft experience all the way. Had a bathtub in the middle of the room. Incredible bed - only beaten by the small, yet disturbingly good beds/mattresses at the Hudson in Midtown. A DVD player. A music system. Dolby (or whatever) like setup with tons of Bose speakers around and so cool... oh so cool.
So, as I started... don't go there during the week if you are working and need to leave the building for most of the day... of if you do, start preparing your "I am sick" excuses.

Special mentions: The Datai in Langkawi, Malaysia is fantastic... have already talked about it in another post, so will not delve into that again.
Carlyle Bay in Antigua should have made the top 3 of my list ... if just the service was better. Maybe it's a Caribbean thing. The rest is surely great: great rooms, fantastic beach, great food, but the service is just not there... or at least it wasn't.
Amandari is a great - and a "normal" - Aman experience, but just didn't stand out versus some of the others.

Emotions

This week a girl I like quite a lot asked me "How much is too much emotion?" in the context of a specific situation.

I struggled tremendously to find an answer or even a way of illustrating how much was too much in that specific situation or any other for that matter. I guess I myself was going through a lot of "emotional indecisions" as I call them, not only in a similar context, but also in another.

Finally I got it.

If you are reading this, the beginning of the post is a good way of illustrating "too much emotion" ... or is it?

P.S.: I sure hope it isn't "too much".

Interlude by Janet Jackson

"How empty of me to be so full you"

This must be one of the best interludes in music history. I'm not a big fan of Janet's, but the "Velvet Rope" album is truly astonishing.

Today I remembered it just out of the blue. As I said, I really love the album, but this interlude is the first thing that comes to mind every time I think of it.

I can't sleep

I haven't been able to sleep a straight night for months now. I don't really know why.

It's not insomnia, but I keep waking up every two hours or so.

Yesterday, I realized something. I can't bear continuing like this... or better yet, I can bear it, but it's really not fun anymore.

Imagine there's a You.
---
I want you. I want to kiss you desperately like there's no tomorrow... like if there is a tomorrow, it would not be worth living if not side-by-side with you.

Cliché?

Yes, but one that actually makes sense for once. I long to just touch your hand and feel that electricity. The electricity that makes us feel alive... that makes us feel... together.
---
I was once told by a palm-reader that I would marry the woman "I wanted to" and would be “tremendously happy”.

I was not a believer (probably still am not) in palm-reading but some of his other "predictions" proved tragically correct for a friend of mine.

I don't think I've consciously thought about it much, but would not put any money in betting that sub-consciously I haven't done so.

Today, this "belief" is probably gone... not totally, but almost
---
Any takers for a neo-romantic guy who sold himself years ago to the "dark side" of management, strategy and the illusion of fast-tracking in the corporate ladder as a substitute for actual, sustainable "it takes two" happiness?

I do hope... better yet, believe there is one. Is it You?

P.S.: This text was written a couple of days ago.

What should have been the "What a week!" post

First of all, this was supposed to be a romantic post, since I was going to transcribe something I wrote a couple of days ago, but guess what? I will transcribe that one later.

Well, my parents are leaving town tomorrow so I had a drink with them at their hotel. After that I was going home (I swear I was), but I don't know why, I decided to actually stop at a club/bar/disco close to my flat... and what a decision that proved to be.

Of course I forgot it as Halloween and that there was a party tonight and what a party it was. I had tremendous fun - albeit alone - and finally remembered how much I enjoyed dancing.

Well, it was extremely cool and for those friends who were wondering, I'm definitely back!

P.S.: I will not try to explain this photo, but I guess you get the drift anyway.

What a week!

Well, it's almost coming to an end. My parents are around for a visit, which is great, since I haven't seen them in quite some time. On the other hand, the week started with a lot of unanswered questions and doubts about the meaning of it all. Ultimately, it actually "grew" not to be that bad.

Sure, a lot of issues emerged. A lot of unsolved things. It is good to be reminded that one is not perfect (in any way whatsoever) and that life is just dealing with those issues, with the unsolved puzzles, with the need to be better, to feel better, to feel or is it be happier?!

The need to find more and more pieces of our own life or to be found by them. That sounds right, doesn't it?

Lame

Lame, lame, lame.

Lame is when you want to write something edgy and you can only write love stories filled with flowers and violins.

Just came to mind...

... this post from early 2004. Don't really know why, but it came to mind.

Colds are good ... sometimes

Today/Yesterday, I spent most of the day at home with a violent cold. When I tried to wake up in the morning I was really feeling bad, but having then taken some medication, cancelled all my appointments and slept until late... it was actually quite re-invigorating.

On top of that, I'm thinking too much again and having had the time to think today, I actually didn't do anything. Sure, I did reply to some emails in the afternoon with my Blackberry and was on a couple of calls, but ultimately I just had some rest, two very good calls with close friends and that was it. The day is gone and I'm happy. Not "jumping around" happy, but happy.

So, I will go to sleep now, hoping (I think) this cold is gone tomorrow.

Phase 3 or is it 4?

Phase 3 or phase 4?
I don't remember it any more.

Anyway... starting a new one. That's the important thing.

Street / Lounge Poetry-type Texts: Chapter 2 - Hotel Skt. Petri, Copenhagen 2005

- He was told a number of times he would be a great actor. He never really tested it, but he thought he might ... one day. Ability to say x when he would want to say y. Ability (at times) to just control his emotional self. Ability to anticipate. That's what they say about acting anyway.
- He is 28... and so what? He just feels he is still young, but has worked for so long, it is hard not to take himself too seriously. On a personal level, he is able to do what he wants when he wants it, but is looking a bit worried about the family, marrying thing.
- We are a "trendy lemmings society" globally. We are all following someone else... the problem is we don't know who the leaders of the "pack" are... These "trend" leaders probably don't know they are leaders either. What a mess.
- Lounging is his new favourite "thing". It's not really going to bars... it implies a state of relaxation, a state of "I couldn't care ____" and ultimately listening to nice chill-out music.
- Two women, one club... London. One behind the bar, the other one waitressing. One, short hair, almost male-like short hair, looking strong, yet sweet, in control, yet lost (P.S. note: she was definitely lost, but was surely as lost as she was incredible). The other one, long curls, blonde hair, a sweetness I hadn't seen in years, almost like a pure girl... but still, something so intense about her. Two women, one club, London.
- "Those demented lands" are awfully awkward. He would dare say just totally incomprehensible.
- He wonders what his "seduction character" is? Rake would be awkward. "Ideal lover" too... Casanova? He doesn't think so.
- "Should I stay or should I go now?" - well, who knows.
- He had just seen a woman close to perfection. He is not a museum-goer. In effect, he believes resides in the middle of the world, not hidden from it, not behind some grand entrance. He just had dinner at Cafe Victor and thought: "Wow!". She was truly beautiful. Anyway, he just thought it was a moment to cherish. He's strange like that.

Street / Lounge Poetry-type Texts: Chapter 1 - Hotel Omm, Barcelona 2005

- "Potentially stupid or inadequate question (whatever): do you want to go to Antigua in may?" What a stupid text to send. He don't think he's going to get an answer... or a proper one at least... at least to this question.
- This mobile thing is weird... Why do beautiful women use it as a way to introduce themselves into a room with people. Isn't their beauty more than enough?
- What if he was indifferent to it all? Would he feel better? Would he be happier?
- To live up to one's potential is an interesting concept. What does it mean? Is it perceived potential? By whom? Oneself? Others? Anyway, it seems like a reasonable objective after all.
- He has learnt how to face some of his limitations. From introvert to a pseudo-extrovert. He travels alone. Enjoys himself alone. For crying out loud, he even writes about it. What next? "Don Juanism"? Extended extroversion?
- Lounging is perhaps a good sign of how far we have digressed from what should be our path (judgementally said - he might add). Is it pseudo-hedonism? Others would days: it's a step in the right direction... finding the calm and quiet in order to re-charge and proceed with one's life.
- This look like a good ending to chapter 1. "The End" (he always loves to write this)

Street / Lounge Poetry-type Texts: Chapter 0 - Barcelona 2005

- Her email sounded like her voice - soft and reassuring... "everything is going to be ok"... but it isn't.
- These demented lands that remind you of past pain, that rub salt in your wounds... that make you forget the beauty, the simplicity... the hope. These demented lands are for demented people, people that "don't suffer from insanity, but enjoy every minute of it"... Is he one of those? Can he find love again amidst all this confusion and pain? Can he reassure himself that "everything is going to be ok"?
- Barcelona reminds him of his life: hectic, eclectic, paradoxal, intense, dirty, yet after all simple, painfully simple.
- A mistake is only a mistake if it doesn't disappear from your memory, occupying the space you need in order to live your present and future life.
- Once upon a time, there was a man... He thinks there was a woman too, but he's not too sure. The man dreamt a lot and failed to see his real life for a while... afterwards he lived life, but couldn't dream any more. She... well, she hasn't been around that much.
- Loving is such a corrupt word... it indicates something that is on-going, typically beautiful, yet so elusive.
- "Today, I start!" - he kept saying... yet, he never did. What was missing? What made that a bad day to start with? Was it his own fault or of those around him? Maybe it was the weather? Maybe traffic? Maybe the Tube? Who knows? He just failed to start... day, after day, after day.
- On a positive note... he does like himself. He just doesn't say it that often any more, but he does feel it... most of the time.
- Random thoughts are random or predictable given the normal prerogative of an insane man. Are we just normal people with random thoughts or have we actually become insane people with normal thoughts? If the latter is the case, then maybe our life is that of normality ... under changing (and insane) perspectives.
- "Did you like the steak?"
"Sorry?"
"The steak?"
"Oh. It was magnificent."
Why magnificent? Why such a word? Mental note: Re-evaluate use of adjectives that are too powerful like "magnificent" and "powerful"

Shocked to Death

When I was a little kid, my mother always told me not to put my fingers in or close to electric plugs. She also told me that if I did, I would die... a way of making sure that I would not do that.

Well, one day I got a small shock when plugging something and I went running through the flat crying. My mother was obviously worried and picked me up.

"What happened? What happened?"- she said.

"I'm going to die. I'm going to die."

"But what happened?"

"Mom. I got a shock from the plug."

She smiled and I knew it was all going to be ok. Just like that, I knew it.

I guess that's what life is all about: moments of unrest and then in a split of a second... everything is ok. Finally, peace.

Gorecki by Lamb

"If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you
Still my heart this moment
Or it might burst

Could we stay right here
Until the end of time
'Til the earth stops turning
Wanna love you 'til the seas run dry
I've found the one I've waited for

All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart most calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

Wanna stay right here
Until the end of time
'Til the earth stops turning
Gonna love you 'til the seas runs run dry
I've found the one I've waited for

All I've known,
All I've done,
All I've felt,
Was leading to this
All I've known,
All I've done,
All I've felt,
Was leading to this

Wanna stay right here
Until the end of time
'Til the earth stops turning
Gonna love you 'til the seas run dry
I've found the one I've waited for

The one I've waited for

Wanna stay right here
Until the end of time
'Til the earth stops turning
Gonna love you 'til the seas run dry
I've found the one I've waited for

The one I've waited for

The one I've waited for"

This is one of my favourite songs. Isn't it beautiful?

Yet, it highlights a potential dilemma that my good friend Peter Gorod illustrates perfectly with one of his posts.

Film: Tickets

When three directors of the quality of Olmi, Loach and the "Great" Kiarostami come together to do a project, you know it will be special.

Indeed this film is about a train ride, it's about refugees, it's about love found in a non-ordinary way, it's about morality and a bit about football. Together these don't seem like themes that can go together, but they do.

The screenplay is untouchable. It all flows, it all works. The dialogues are deep, the monologue or hypothetical letter by the old Professor to his new (or maybe very old) love is a gem - a short story that will make cinema history and be remembered for years to come - and then we have the ripples of the social consciousness of Loach, the clear understanding of love and hate of Olmi and the inimitable visual speech of Kiarostami's direction... the documentary-like nature of it all and we all wonder: is this it? Is this what cinema is all about?

I think so. A "real life" primer of what good cinema is all about.

Arrogant? Who? Me?

A couple of years ago, in a particular bonus round at a company I worked for, my expected "grade" was lowered at the meeting itself.

I was obviously mad and wanted to know what happened. After enquiring with a couple of friendlies that were senior enough to be on that meeting, I was told that one of the most senior guys had "black-balled" me. In effect, he exerted a sort of veto on my top "grade".

I was obviously even madder and further enquired, only to find out that he had said the following about me: "He's very arrogant. I know he's extremely good, but still he's very arrogant and that's simply not ok."

At this time, I was boiling, but there was something strange going on. I was very pissed off on the one hand, but I found myself staring at the "virtual mirror" in the vanity of having been called "extremely good" on the other hand. I think I was trying to convince myself that I was actually not arrogant and that I was so good that this guy just wanted to show me who was boss.

I was most probably wrong, but that's not the point.

The point is that my relationship with this person while we were in the same company was always tense, but after we both left, we have actually re-engaged and have a very good rapport. In effect, I would almost dare call him a friend. He has indeed helped me sort out some aspects of my career in a very direct manner and has been very helpful whenever I have reached out to him.

The story is really about circumstances that change people. That's why I'm not such a big believer in the whole "absolute enemy" paradigm where people are enemies full-stop. I think people are led to be enemies by themselves sure, but also by circumstances.

I cherish the good relationship I have with this person today and albeit arrogant (I re-emphasize that I most probably am... and only my remaining grain of humility would allow me not to say that indeed I am arrogant), I was still able to suspend disbelief for a moment and that moment changed the way we related to each other.

The lesson is never take your enemy for granted... he might not be your enemy after all :-)

----- P.S.: This is my 50th post on Nein. I'm very happy! -----

Air-conditioning and other noises

I've just arrived in my hotel room in Germany.

First, I was very happy to be in Europe again. I hadn't come to Europe since end of July and it's good to be "almost home".

Then I went into my hotel room. Mind you this a 4 star hotel, very good by any standards, but the first thing I noticed when I get in is the absence of a noise, a noise that is familiar: the noise of an air-conditioning unit. The room wasn't/isn't too hot, but you know I got used to the noise, so I looked around for the a/c control and nothing... there is none.

A wave of shock and then despair went through my body sore from another long-haul flight... this for like 5 seconds and then I realized the room is actually at a normal temperature, although I prefer it a bit more chilly. I also realized that I got used to the a/c noise in hotels and in my own home. I got used to it. I also got used to noise of cars outside everywhere I go and when I'm in place that does not have noise, I find it funny and need to get used it.

Ultimately, it's all about routines. The good ones, the bad ones, but ultimately routines... things we do and get used to or simply things that happen around us like noises ... and that strangely enough we end-up missing at some point in our lives.

"Strange beings... these humans!"

Series: Hustle

When I think of TV series, I always think of the U.S.. Well, I also think about the U.K. specifically when I think Comedy. Hustle is the exception in an Ocean of American rule. Hustle is also comedic, but it's more than that: think "Ocean's Eleven" and then think TV series, and you get Hustle.

The acting is almost stellar - U.K. standard oblige. The scripts are as tight as they need to be - otherwise, the whole "thematic" approach just loses its grip on spectators. Then it's a really cool series: well filmed, stylish, makes you want to be a "con man"... well, almost.

I had to leave the actress Jaime Murray to last (but definitely not least)... but let me start with Keira Knightley (she is not on the series in case you were wondering). After 1 or 2 years of living in London, I told a good friend that I would leave the city if I saw Keira. Well, life is strange because one or two months later I was going up Marylebone High Street with that same friend who was visiting for a long weekend and there she was: Keira Knightley... going down the street with a couple of girl friends laughing. My friend was shocked and so was I. I mean, I've seen other "celebrities", but this one under these circumstances was quite shocking.

A few days later I saw her again at one of the clubs I was a member of and I thought to myself: "Maybe it's time to leave London after all? Maybe it's a sign of some sort?" After thinking for a while, I thought: "Nah. I love this city". I did not leave for another year, year and a half, and just as I was ready to leave I told another friend that I would not leave London if I was to meet Jaime Murray and she would madly fall in love with me. It seemed something reasonably ridiculous and just something stupid to say to a friend... so that he would get the whole "fait accompli" sense of the move. You can imagine the rest... I did not meet her - of course not, come on... this is the real world, not Hollywood or some TV soap opera! - or even saw her at all. So what is the point of the whole story?

None, really. I just wanted to tell it really... oh and Jaime Murray is gorgeous and has the whole "elan" thing going: the Audrey Hepburn and Gwyneth Paltrow (the good years) type.

Oh and as for Hustle... just watch it, ok? You will love it.

Series: Curb your Enthusiasm

It's the "George Costanza" show or at least what one would perceive as such. Well, it's the "Larry David" show ... Larry David became famous with Seinfeld, since he was co-writer and co-creator with Jerry Seinfeld (although he left after series 7, having come back to write the last episode). We specifically know him well, because "George" is in effect his charicature and "Curb your Enthusiasm" really highlights it.

Curb your Enthusiasm takes it to the limit. Under the pseudo-documentary "look-a-like" genre, it goes the extra mile to make us uncomfortable... but still we laugh. For instance, the scene of the restaurant opening with the Chef with the Tourette syndromme will become legendary with time.

Ultimately, the whole concept of "improvising your way" through the dialogues is reasonably unique and makes it even more uncomfortable... and of course even funnier.

In summary, an extremely good comedy series. Highly recommended... but I sure hope you're not shocked easily.

Geek

geek
n : a person with an unusual or odd personality [syn: eccentric,
eccentric person, oddball]

Come on... it can't be. A geek is more than that. A geek is a state of mind. A geek... am I a geek?

Well, today I changed the language of my printer's menu from Chinese to English using my Mac translation widget to guide my way through the Chinese characters. I also found a way to upload the tunes from my old iPod into my new iTunes client.

Well, I could go on. I guess I just miss being a true geek and the days of relentless programming in C, C++, Java, Prolog, LISP and even Assembly (that was truly bad!), among many other awful and "incomprehensible" languages. I miss my days of hacking (or trying to) into my own Linux Slackware flavour OS, just so I could say "I did it". I miss having someone looking at the screens I created, having code run without anyone actually grasping what truly went into it. Some were mission critical applications and some were not.

Those were the days?

Creation in computer engineering is genuinely fascinating and not just an act of logical acumen like most feel. It can actually be very artistic. Not only the visual "front-end" of it, but also the code... what makes software and hardware tick.

Anyway, I wasn't very good at it, that's why I probably miss it so much. I've gone to the dark side of management quite some years ago and there doesn't seem to be any way back from it. To be perfectly honest, I do enjoy myself in what I do now and am far less miserable than in my "IT days".

Next objectives: getting and configuring a Slingbox and taking my blog mobile. Well, not rocket science, granted, but so what?

The Why

"These Demented Lands" is a book by Alan Warner a good friend gave me some years ago.

In these demented lands

In these demented lands I lose myself all the time.
In these demented lands I keep finding myself over and over again.
In these demented lands I keep thinking too much.

In these demented lands...
I keep wishing I was different.
I keep accepting myself and thanking Him for it.
I think too highly of myself.
I sell myself too short.

In these demented lands...
I am your dream come true.
I am your worst nightmare.
I am demented or is it insane?
I am as normal as it gets.

In these demented lands...
IN THESE demented lands...
I simply am.

What about you?

Another Thoughts text. No special reason... just like it. (and no, no... it's not a "downer" :P )

Hope you like it too.

------------------------------------------------
Laranjeiras, March 4th 1999 (Lisbon, Portugal)

And now?

What should I do?
“Breathe!” – they kept on saying.
I could breathe, but did I want to?
To do that same old thing, over and over, meant being the same old person, or at least I thought so.
And now? What should I do?
“Breathe!”
Why can’t they say something different? Why can’t they say something I’ve never thought of?
I had a look around trying to find something to hang on to.
“Breathe!”
I kept on breathing, just trying to find that one thing. The one thing that would make me want to do it over and over again.
I finally gave up and stopped breathing.
I closed my eyes and waited.
Suddenly, I heard someone scream.
“Love!” – she said.
What did she mean by that?
“What are you talking about?” - I asked her.
“Love!” – she replied.
“But what does that mean?”
“Nothing, just love me” – she answered.
“Breathe!” – I kept on saying to myself.

MUSIC I WOULD BE (AM) LISTENING TO: “The trick is to keep breathing”, Garbage
FILM I WOULD BE (AM) WATCHING: “The taste of cherry”

The Datai and other things

Well, just came back from vacation. Stayed at the Datai for a few days and really enjoyed it. Mind you, I'm still an Aman fan - although apparently Mr. Zecha has a stake in the Datai (?) - it was a very good experience despite the miserable weather throughout most of the week.

A hotel set in the middle of the jungle in Langkawi where there are literally monkeys around - well behaved though, unlike their camera-and-glasses-stealing brothers and sisters from Bali - and also some gekkos (not a big fan) in probably my "i'm such a pussy" moment of the vacation... hell, of the year.

Apart from that, the Executive Assistant Manager, Regina was great in solving some minor initial issues and showed that through professionalism you can overcome really everything.

The pools are great, nice beach, nice staff... I would say that the hotel doesn't look old or tired per se, but is not cutting edge contemporary if that's what you are looking for. Versus the Four Seasons, difficult to tell... some friends have stayed at the Four Seasons in Langkawi and say it's one notch better than the now much older Datai. Others - such as the ones filling the survey for Conde Naste Traveller which put it at number 2 in Asia and the Indian sub-continent just this year and in 2005 and in... - seem to disagree. I am not totally sure, but get the sense that the Datai is "more different" due to the jungle setting. The Four Seasons really seems to be a beach resort like many other... luxurious for sure... but not that distinctive.

Anyway, rambling and rambling... if you want to have a bit more fun and excitment on any given night go to the Andaman (the sister hotel of the Datai) which is right next "door" and listen to the great "Nine Lives" band. After being mesmerized by Joy - the lead vocalist - make sure you behave and focus on your wife or girlfriend as she may be... next to you. Then listen to them. Daniel on the keyboards rocks and the other two guys are very good as well. Lovely people and I do hope they get lucky and some A&R guy does decide to cut them a deal.

Vacation

It's that time of the year again... going on vacation as of tomorrow. Will be back in 1 week's time or so.

Child-like

Yesterday, I was having a drink at the hotel bar - quite cool, by the way - and without really realizing got immersed in what I call my "child-like" perspective: starting too look at everything like a kid, smiling by seeing something out of the ordinary, not questioning too much, just finding it all very interesting...very new.

I don't know how this perspective first came about in my life and I'm sure others feel it once in a while, but I can't help but to feel so free when I do go into this "mode".

Being like a "child" has three huge advantages:
1) You don't think too much and even if you do something not very smart, you really don't care.
2) You step back on everything and gain a naive like perspective, which is quite liberating.
3) It gets you closer to something that is quite unique... the illusion of purity.

You see, on the latter one, I actually have the theory that most of us spend all of our lives trying to reach this "pure state of mind". The thing is, we actually had it once, when we were kids, but a lot of us forget that.

I guess that's why I like kids so much (not a very politically correct phrase these days, but I genuinely don't care)... they remind me of what life is really about... about being surprised, finding it funny and exciting even if it's dull and finally about being happy, strangely happy... uniquely happy.

I know not all kids have the chance to be happy, but having worked with those that were called by adulthood several years before they were supposed to, I still find that deep down most of them still keep that genuine purity nonetheless.

After all, maybe all of us do.

Yet another post of a Thoughts text
----------------------------------------------------
Almada, September 14th 1998 (Almada, Portugal)

Scent and touch

The light is hurting me.
I can’t quite figure out where I am at.
I have the feeling that there’s someone else in the room. Someone watching me.
And the scent… the sweet smell… it must be a woman.
All of a sudden, I lose my sight… I can’t see.
She is touching me on the face.
First with the palm of her hand, gently caressing my cheeks.
Then with the back of her hand, touching my forehead.
Is she feeling my temperature, is she just touching me?
She just wants my thoughts, she wants to know how I feel about her… How I feel around her.
She starts talking to me, saying something.
It really isn’t important but her voice sounds familiar.
I’ve been around her.
I start to get a glimpse of her figure.
I’m starting to recognize her…
I wake up.

MUSIC I WOULD BE (AM) LISTENING TO: “The Ballad of Sleeping Beauty”, Sophie B. Hawkins
FILM I WOULD BE (AM) WATCHING: “Splendor in the grass”

Pillows

Well, I was just looking at the pillows on my hotel bed and wondering: "What is the right configuration so I can have a good night's sleep? I mean, should the fat large one be below or the thin one that looks almost like a square. What is the best way to put them so I can actually fall asleep quickly?"

"You're a weird geek." - you would say.

I would probably agree, but add "that really, really wants to get a good night's sleep".

The Good Old Days

Well, back to the good old days. Since I went back to my "advisory" life, I had still not worked this late. It's now almost midnight and here I am close to going back to the hotel... where "close" seems to be the key word.

The team is closing the current draft version and I'm meditating... meditating on this thing called "good old days".

On the one hand, I can't say I didn't miss this. There's surely a buzz around working late and thinking you are changing the world in some way that nobody really understands except you and your colleagues (and some enlightened others as well).

On the other hand, that's plain bullshit and I think deep down we all know it.

This effort I was not in charge of, but still I need to think about how to change these dynamics... definitely this is ok once in a while, but I don't want to make a habit of it... nor should anyone else.

Demented

I looked up Dementia in the dictionary and it says:

1. Deterioration of intellectual faculties, such as memory, concentration, and judgment, resulting from an organic disease or a disorder of the brain. It is sometimes accompanied by emotional disturbance and personality changes.

2. Madness; insanity. See Synonyms at insanity.

Ok, so I looked at Insanity and it says:

1. Persistent mental disorder or derangement. No longer in scientific use.

2. Law
a. Unsoundness of mind sufficient in the judgment of a civil court to render a person unfit to maintain a contractual or other legal relationship or to warrant commitment to a mental health facility.
b. In most criminal jurisdictions, a degree of mental malfunctioning sufficient to relieve the accused of legal responsibility for the act committed.

3.
a. Extreme foolishness; folly.
b. Something that is extremely foolish.

Ok, so what? I was just trying to understand if the "lands" around me are demented or if I'm demented. Not really sure, just more confused after looking at the definitions.

Am I demented? Am I insane?

I don't know. I just remember this one quote that I really like: "I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it"

Well, let's just be positive about it. Even if I am, at least I should enjoy it.

I have decided to republish my "Thoughts" texts. Perhaps to remind me of how silly I was. Perhaps to remind me of how pure I was. Or just because I want to piss off a friend who said I would take these texts off the Internet when I got to a certain age... YOU WERE WRONG!

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Laranjeiras, October 9th 1997 (Lisbon, Portugal)

The “One”

Well, today I’ll be talking a little bit about the “one” (no, not the U2 song or Elton John’s “One”). Forgive me, you girls out there (even assuming that it might interest you) but I’ll be talking about the girl of one’s life (The One).
Basically, when do you know you have come face to face with the person you want to share the rest of your life with? Moreover, how can you be certain that she (or he [sorry girls]) has any kind of feelings for you?
After 2 years being taken over by these same thoughts, and when I say taken over, I mean really getting obsessed by it, I can only take one conclusion out of it all: you never know the answer to those two questions; at least, you never know for sure.

Talking from personal experience (actually not that good), I have only fallen deeply in love for one girl and now have mixed feelings for another one. The first one was a girl that I never expected to fall in love with, in the first place. I mean, we got along so well that at first it didn’t make sense to have such feelings. In reality (reality does “bite”) it wasn’t meant to happen, some would say, but still having spent some time with her and having felt that way for such a long time (a year or so) you can never really get over it (not in an absolute way). The second one really attracted (attracts) me, not only physically but mainly in a strange “déjà vu” feeling, from day one. More than one year has passed since the day I first saw her and strangely enough I feel strongly for her, albeit not knowing the first thing about her life.

It’s really interesting to notice all the metaphors in our “pseudo-shot at a relation thing”: she “lives” high up, really much higher than me, having almost the image of an immaculate angel or someone that is supposed to save you from falling into disgrace. When I get these feelings, I feel I’m entering shaky grounds, mainly because I’m putting the existence of someone that I really don’t know, on such a pedestal. Sometimes I feel I can’t even put the one I should believe the most in (God, as a catholic) on such high grounds.
It’s strange when you spend days of your existence thinking about the “one”, trying to have an image of her. But what does it all mean?

Is it supposed to make sense?
I sincerely think so. I have to. It has to make sense, but it sometimes fails to do so and it makes you wonder if it’s all worth it.
Nah, then again, maybe it’s just me getting sentimental again, but on the other hand that’s who I am, that is what makes Nuno be Nuno (if you catch my drift ☺).
I really don’t have much more to say today, except that tomorrow I’ll wake up again and she will wake up again too.



MUSIC I WOULD BE (AM) LISTENING TO: “Love is blindness”, U2
FILM I WOULD BE (AM) WATCHING: “While you were sleeping”

Series: Seinfeld

What can one say about the best comedy series ever? Well, it's the best comedy series ever... duh!!!

It's not about the acting... "Kramer" is the man and "George" just gets the whole Larry David persona ("Curb your Enthusiasm" is frightening in that sense). Seinfeld is not a brilliant actor, but he makes it work... it just works. The writing is exceptional... Larry Charles, all the guys and obviously the uber-writers, the main men: Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld. The situation makes itself, no real need for brilliant acting. The theme of "nothing" is exceptional and you can only laugh. It is self-fulfilling comedy.

Then it withstood the two biggest tests of any TV series:
- After series 4, it continued to improve. To have the "Soup Nazi" episode on series 7 is an incredible example of that. It went up, it sustained quality. That is quite unique in comedy series.
- It still makes sense today although it's a "90's series".

Sheer brilliance and the end made it all worthwhile. The nihilism that has to pay. All of a sudden, all makes sense. And Seinfled, Elaine, George and Kramer do pay... they had to, there were just too good(bad)!

Series: Entourage

I finished watching series 2 a couple of days ago. Series 3 is halfway through in the US from what I know, but I will wait to get it on DVD.

This is one of those series that you start watching and you can't stop... you could probably watch it all in one day... around 25 minutes an episode, 14 episodes... perfectly feasible. How addictive is this series? A LOT.

The acting isn't fabulous, with the exception of Jeremy Piven, Kevin Connolly and Jerry Ferrara - aka Turtle or the new "Kramer" of American TV". Well, actually the acting is reasonably good; I guess I just don't like Adrian Grenier - the pretty boy. He is just too convincing which probably means he's just playing himself. Not really the stuff that would make him a great actor, but the girls probably like it. Oh, by the way, the girls on this series ROCK!!! Simply ROCK. From the stars to the not so stars, it is extremely enjoyable.

The screenplays are... how can I put it? Simple. Very, very, very simple, but they work so well. The series conquers us through form rather than substance. We are taken by the rhythm of the action and the acting and manipulated by the cameo appearances into believing "this is really a great series". It probably isn't, but we are convinced it really is when watching and isn't that makes a great TV series after all: momentum week after week, very close to inducing addictive behaviours on the spectators.

Finally, it does for LA what Las Vegas does for LV... you just want to visit it after watching. LA I know quite well and this series definitely "gets it" when it comes to the atmosphere, the pretentiousness, the absolute idolizing of people's personas/images. You gotta hate it and love it at the same time. You just have to.

Series: Las Vegas

Ok, it's one of those guilty pleasures. It doesn't have brilliant screenplays, it's not believable, but it sure is fun. A couple of things that I would say I really like:
- James Caan. What an actor. Very much THE actor of the series. The rest of the cast has a lot of ups and downs, but not this guy. Always in character.
- The girls. Oh so cute... and ... that's about it. I'm on series 3 and Flynn Boyle doesn't work for me at all.
- The action scenes are cool. They are over-the-top, but cool.
- The overall "look and feel" of the series is quite good.

And that's about it. A guilty pleasure. I will keep buying the DVDs, but it won't change the world. It just makes the rest of us that haven't been to Vegas yet, want to go to the real "sin city"... desperately.

MomCo.

A new theory I thought about today while picking up some water from the fridge in my office. I had just asked my assistant to organize my personal flights (personally settled I might add) since I couldn't do it online - needed paper tickets, etc... what if companies became full service providers to their employes on their professional but also personal needs - vacation planning, bookings, simple accounting, etc? All this while actually making some money out of it.

Granted, not all employees would be willing to pay for these services, but some would and the firm could maximize the usage of its resources - they do have downtime and ultimately arranging vacations and other employee services might well be less urgent and easily scheduled within all the diverse activities of the company.

Ok, ok... the business case might not be logic, efficiencies in the company might already be there and all that "non core business" stuff, but why not... sell services that are backoffice in nature, but would indeed become front-office when done internally for personal purposes. Who knows... heck ... it was just a 1 minute walk to the water anyway.

Relaxation

I haven't taken my relaxation moments too seriously lately. Mind you, I haven't worked too much, but on the other hand I don't do much apart from watching DVDs , reading and going out during the day.

Anyway, I've decided to be a bit more proactive. I do go for the cool, swanky vacations in some nice resort on in a while... but have to do something more.

Hey, how about I write more in my blog? That sounds about right.

Success (?)

Ok, so there I am on a Sunday: a World Economic Forum event. Attended a couple of things, got into an interesting conversation with the International Editor of a publication and ultimately felt good about myself and life in general.

Then I stopped... everyone kept going, but I stopped. "What the hell am I doing here? It's a Sunday. I must be the youngest guy here by five years, even ten. Is this it? Is this what success looks like?"

Just some context: I'm 29, but have worked since I was in college at 19 - full-time kind of work, not part-time. Some would say my career is meteoric, fast-track written everywhere. I somewhat don't feel reassured. On the one hand, I feel I lost part of my life... hell, I only got my weekends back at 23 ... 4 years... yes, 4 years of no real weekends. A couple of vacations, yes... but now real weekends while working. On the other hand, I go back to my initial question: "It this what success looks like? What is success?"

Well, at least my definition of success - from what I remember - included some professional success, not too much, not a lot of riches, not a lot of money, not too much glamour... just enough of everything. It did include some white picket fences, well at least a wife or a reasonably "sustainable" girlfriend, some kids maybe - I'm good with kids. Yet, nothing there... professionally meteoric? Not sure, but even if I was, none of the rest. None of the "real life" that I wanted for myself. No real safe harbour. No real home. Just very nice apartments in some exciting cities, nice hotel rooms which are more common than not. Just the life of a so-called successful professional.

So today, while everyone was going around and I had stopped, I thought about the future. What do I want to do next with my life? Professionally I'm ok for now, but my life ... the rest of it... the whole of it? What about that? Is there anything I can do, even if I wanted to?

Not sure. Really not sure. I have more questions than answers and all my pseudo-philosophy of life is really nothing more than a couple of dreams: some vivid, some not.

I feel I need to re-invent myself, do the ultimate transformation, become an agent of change for myself: people say I'm good professionally as an agent of change, for crying out loud I've been doing it for 7 years, so why not for myself?

Yet, I've been here before and the result wasn't too good. Probably the worst time of my life. "You think too much" - people used to tell me and so with time I stopped thinking. I became happier.

Well, therein lies the dilemma: to think or not to think; to change or not to change.

One day a good friend asked me as one normally does: "What do you give the man who has everything?". In a moment of true genius (or I might say so myself) I answered to my own shock: "You give him the ability to appreciate all that he already has". My friend was shocked as well.

That's it: I need to appreciate what I have and stop whining. Is that it? I sure hope it is.

Travel ranking: Flying
Well, I travel too much... actually way too much. Therefore, I decided I'm entitled as anyone else to elect the best airlines I've travelled in. I'll keep it simple and just divide it into First/Business and Economy Plus/Economy. I've also decided to talk about airports.

So here we go:

First/Business
1. Virgin Atlantic (Upper Class) - I thought a lot about who should be on top and ultimately went for the only airline that I really look forward to travelling in. Best lounge I've ever been in at Heathrow with Spa, Hairdresser, Delicatessen counter, Dining area, Games room and everything is very, very cool... courtesy of the SoHo House crowd. The overall service outside the flight is indeed completed by the limo service which is absolutely great and extremely useful. When onboard the product is great: great swanky seats, nice pjs, massage on board, great inflight entertainment (VOD, etc) and last but definitely not the least lovely flight attendants - very nice (unlike the "matron style" British Airways in-flight service), informal yet professional and yes, cute. Overall, and for the London-bound traveller, the price of BA's Business for a clear First class product. It's a shame they don't fly to more places.

2. Singapore Airlines (First and Business) - Ok, they almost came first right? An extremely good product - seat, great inflight entertainment (VOD, fabulous choice of movies) with some of the nicest flight attendants - really professional, beautiful and nice (maybe too nice sometimes). The rest is vintage Singaporean: good service at good rates with extreme efficiency and a smiley face (albeit a bit artificial at times). Not particularly overwhelmed by the quality of the lounges, but then again nothing compares to Virgin's lounges in Heathrow and in New York... ok, ok, BA's Concorde lounge in New York is quite impressive. Well, back to Singapore Airlines... very good, but not the best. Just not sufficiently exciting.

3. British Airways (First and Business) - I hesitated a lot on this one. Really a lot. Cathay is very good, Asiana is surprisingly good and Qantas is cool. BA is the "devil you know". Always very proficient, always good, extremely good product onboard - the inflight entertainment is not that good in Business... in First they sort of make up for it, but the seats really compensate for it - and ok on the ground - the lounges can be some of the best around, which doesn't say much given the current low quality of almost all lounges, and the lack of the limo service as fellow VA provides is indeed a bit embarrassing. Flight attendants are rarely nice, but always professional. All and all, it's still the great BA... very expensive, but the quality is always there... and you always know what you are getting.

Economy/Economy Plus
1. Singapore Airlines - service much brisker than in First or Business, but quite exceptional on everything else - food, inflight entertainment, in-flight service. For me the best in Economy hands down. The only one that doesn't make you feel that you are loser just because you are in the back of the plane.

2. Virgin Atlantic - good service, good in-flight entertainment. Overall, a good experience, just not tremendously special and you do feel strong "Upper Class envy" in the back... maybe because Upper Class is so damn good.

3. Southwest Airlines - if you are going in Economy, go in style. Southwest is just tremendously fun and that's about it. All the rest is low-cost carrier at its best (worst?), but it's fun, fun, fun.

THE BAD (for every class): Not one comes to mind has being totally impossible to travel in, but some are genuinely not very good. The ones that come to mind: Iberia - it's a pet hate... I admit it, but you can have one of two experiences - great or really bad - and that simply doesn't work when you need to choose an airline to travel with; America West - they are now merged with some other airline, but really, really bad... low cost at its worse... only good thing was the Brazilian flight attendant based in Phoenix (long story... 6 hours of flight to be more accurate). Air China - ok, it's not that bad, but the service is so all over the shop... could definitely learn from DrangonAir or even China Eastern;

Airports
1. Singapore International Airport, Singapore - great stores, a lot of nice spaces that actually make you feel alright, hiper-efficient security and immigration; all this makes a great airport. I never hesitate to go through it if it makes sense. The lounges are good: Singapore Airlines lounges are not exceptional, but very good nonetheless; the BA / Qantas lounges are quite exceptional; the Air France, etc, etc lounges are cool... a lesson in how to do something with high quality that is really not that expensive or overwhelming... minimalism at its best. A shame other airports are simply not that good.

2. Kuala Lumpur International Airport, Malaysia - everything is upper-spec - stores, open spaces, it actually makes you feel good. The Malaysia Airlines lounges are great, really great. It is a very efficient place that works really well. Finally, the idea of having an hotel literally in the airport is fantastic. Really enjoy it.

3. Carlsbad Airport, USA - Ok, I'm kidding... it's a shed. If you want to go to the toilet, you have to leave the "airport" and go to the shed next door. Anyway, it's very cool: a VCR (an old one) with videos on and you see the whole ground crew from check-in to security to going on-board... how cool is that. In America, I feel uncomfortable going through airports these days... a clear sign of lost freedom that I believe most people feel over there... a sign of the times we live in. Carlsbad rocks... it is small-time, sub-scale, but works. If I hadn't gone with Carlsbad and had gone with a more "scalable" Airport, it would have been Oslo... absolutely great. Munich would get a special mention for sheer efficiency and for "the airport I have spent most time in, where I've had my best on the ground and my worst on the ground experiences - summer 2005 rings a bell? - I would have to go with Heathrow, the airport I love to hate.

THE BAD: Bangalore airport... it's chaos, absolute chaos. Avoid it if you can; Atlanta - big, big and awful experiences. Difficult to leave from... but strangely enough, difficult to arrive at as well; Mumbai also comes to mind.

SAMPLE AIRLINES: Air France, Sabena, Swiss, TAP Air Portugal, Iberia, Czech Airlines, British Airways, Singapore Airlines, Aer Lingus, Virgin Atlantic, Delta Airlines, America West, Southwest Airlines, United Airlines, Malaysia Airlines, Continental Airlines, American Airlines, PGA Portugalia, SAS, Lufthansa, Asiana Airlines, Air China, China Eastern Airlines, DragonAir, Cathay Pacific, ANA, Qantas, Finnair, Air Volare, Alitalia, El Al, BMI, TWA (now extinct).

SAMPLE AIRPORTS: Lisbon, Porto, Bonn, Dusseldorf, Frankfurt, Munich, Barcelona, Ibiza, Madrid, Palma Mallorca, Paris Charles de Gaulle, Paris Orly, Dubai, Singapore, Kuala Lumpur, Beijing, Shanghai PuDong, Hong Kong, Manila, Denpasar-Bali, Rome, Venice, Stockholm, Oslo, Helsinki, Prague, Zurich, London Heathrow, London Gatwick, Copenhagen, Newark, New York La Guardia, New York JFK, LAX, San Francisco, Chicago, New Orleans, Seattle, San Diego, Carlsbad, San Jose, Tokyo Narita, Seoul, Atlanta, Boston, Philadelphia, Washington D.C., Lima, Tel Aviv, Antigua, Barbados, Bangkok, Mumbai, Bangalore, Cape Town, Dublin, Miami.

She

When I last saw you, you were getting out of the car in London. I was on my way to the airport, indeed to my new life. That seemed... it, but it really wasn't.

Our relationship - or rather lack of it - is the most mysterious I've ever had. I simply don't get it. Why did I like you so much... better yet, why do I miss you so much?

You are undoubtedly comparable to a cat - sometimes very close, sometimes so, so distant.

I remember vividly what you were wearing when I last saw you: jeans, denim jacket, tennis shoes... the cool casual look. Gorgeous as always. You still don't believe me when I tell you are incredibly cute, do you?

I remember your intrinsic beauty - the one you might feel you don't have... but believe me you do - but I also remember something else: the last two times we met, I felt that you were abandoning yourself in me more... not totally, but more. Was it because I was leaving or was it because that was where our pseudo-relationship was taking us?

Probably, I will never know.

A real huge kiss from far, far away and... I do miss you!

Sometimes...

Sometimes, just sometimes... I wish I was a bit less self-centered. On the one hand, it helps me cope with life, keep a happy spirit and move on, but it has really made me reasonably insensitive to whatever happens around me.

Not sure I really want to write more on this post... sorry for that.

Note: I thought about posting this a long time ago and always hesitated - finally did on Sep 14th. Don't really know why it took me so long. As for my "hopeful" wish, let's just say it didn't materialize ... and that's actually good, since I've dramatically changed my opinion on the "cool, distant girl"... Wait a sec, I think I actually like her.

The hours that did follow

Well, well… you’ve come a long way mate.

Two girls: one sexy from here to kingdom come, moving like there was no tomorrow, distant… but sexy distant… most probably following the "cool, yet distant" standard; the other girl… prissy, cute … Christian… wow.

Who do you go for?

Well, I have to say the day started with me going for the former, but something happened. I changed my mind somehow when I started talking to the second girl. She just… made me feel better.

I had one of those strange moments where everything stood still, like nothing was around us. This happened in the middle of a club with loud music that made our conversation oh so much more difficult! Yet, it was all so still. My heart went at its normal speed as if I got immersed in a feeling of re-assurance, of … belonging. That was it: I belonged there … in that moment… with that person. I don’t know, maybe I saw too much into that moment, into that conversation. It has happened before after all… but what if this time it’s different?

I sure hope so.

The hours that did not follow

We met at 3 pm or around that time anyway… Little was I to know that at 6 pm I would not be back at the hotel, but having drinks with her at some half-built club in the middle of town.

In the middle of high-rising buildings and next to a lovely green park, I looked at her. That’s when I finally got it. I was in love… maybe love is not a good word… maybe some sort of word with passion in it would have described it better. It was also when I realised she did have someone already… he was not there, but it was as if he was. She wasn’t too clear about him… about their relationship. There was definitely some tension when she talked about him… was it an open door for me? Was it me just wanting it to be an open door? Probably I will never know.

Between the drinks, her friends (and her boyfriend’s friends), I got some time alone with her. I hesitated for a second, but looking into her eyes, I just lost all self-control. “How about dinner? Do you want to have dinner?”. I stopped. Surely I had gone too far. “Yes, I just need to go home first. Is that ok?”

After a couple of comments on dancing, I asked her “Do you want to dance… or do you want to go for dinner?”. “Dinner” – she answered.

There was I, in a cab with her… I tried to avoid looking, but somehow couldn’t. We ended up in this really nice restaurant… I was almost kneeling… how ironic. Her conversation with a child that was next to us was so amazing that for a while I must have lost track of where I was, which country I was in.

“Shall we go to this bar right next door?” The answer was obvious… I will never forget the number that got us in… 57. She laughed… I looked a fool… long story.

The light of candles illuminated her face like I hadn’t seen it before. It gave it a sense of beauty that was surely different. I had lost it totally. I think she noticed, but just continued being herself and that made it worse, so much worse.

On the way out to get a cab, she asked me again if I wanted to go out somewhere and today I’m sure my answer was wrong… later on at my hotel, I looked at the night outside and thought “How dumb can one be?”.

I am not sure things would have been different, but at least I could have tried to hold her. I could have tried to dance with her… a couple more minutes or hours… I wouldn’t have finished the evening by just saying “Tell you boyfriend he is a lucky bastard. And I am very precise about those two words.”

I could have told her other things: that I hadn’t felt like that for a long time; that she was so special that every other decision in my life at that stage would just have to wait for her “say so”.

How do you tell a girl that you love her on the exact same day you have met her? Do you wait for midnight so it’s a new day? Do you hold it off altogether?

Why aren’t things simpler and more direct? Why don’t people just fall in love and understand that they are supposed to spend the rest of their lives together?

I can’t help but laugh. There is something definitely weird about me and the way I relate to the world. The relationships I have had in the last few years seem to happen because I don’t worry too much… when I do seem to worry, things never work out.

Well, therein lies the answer.

Lost, just lost, but I would have told her so many things… maybe this was for the best… maybe this way I still have a chance… maybe I just need to get some distance.

Again, clueless… I should just stop wondering and getting on with… that thing… life?!

Yeah, that sounds about right. Just get on with it.

Bday

It's my birthday... I just thought I would share that.