"You are so beautiful"

"You are so beautiful ... and I love you. I just don't like you any more."

This is a phrase from one of my current favourite TV series. It illustrates something I feel more and more: the disillusionment with women that I meet.

I have realised that I get most attracted to women with the following three characteristics:
- They are beautiful... some of them even gorgeous.
- They are intelligent... very sharp.
- They are real... let's just say... they are not very nice or better yet they like "playing games".

The problem is not with these women, but with me. Why do I get attracted to them? Why don't I get attracted to women that are actually nice... nice people?

Not sure. One might think it was masochism or just low self-esteem. I don't think it's either. My self-esteem is doing reasonably well and I don't think masochism is my thing.

Last night I went out with a friend and every time I go out with this guy, I know I will drink too much and by some strange reason end up meeting reasonably strange girls. It probably has to do with the clubs or house parties for that matter that we end up going to.

This was no different. Same old, same old... mind you, it was a good evening - I even got a special mixed CD from my favourite R&B and Hip-Hop DJ (long story) - the problem is that I miss something. I miss being genuinely surprised... getting enchanted by some girl... surprising myself in the process... surprising myself because I'm not attracted to the same old things.

Anyway, not a lot of closure on this post... sorry for that. Hopefully I'll get there some other day.