"You are so beautiful"

"You are so beautiful ... and I love you. I just don't like you any more."

This is a phrase from one of my current favourite TV series. It illustrates something I feel more and more: the disillusionment with women that I meet.

I have realised that I get most attracted to women with the following three characteristics:
- They are beautiful... some of them even gorgeous.
- They are intelligent... very sharp.
- They are real... let's just say... they are not very nice or better yet they like "playing games".

The problem is not with these women, but with me. Why do I get attracted to them? Why don't I get attracted to women that are actually nice... nice people?

Not sure. One might think it was masochism or just low self-esteem. I don't think it's either. My self-esteem is doing reasonably well and I don't think masochism is my thing.

Last night I went out with a friend and every time I go out with this guy, I know I will drink too much and by some strange reason end up meeting reasonably strange girls. It probably has to do with the clubs or house parties for that matter that we end up going to.

This was no different. Same old, same old... mind you, it was a good evening - I even got a special mixed CD from my favourite R&B and Hip-Hop DJ (long story) - the problem is that I miss something. I miss being genuinely surprised... getting enchanted by some girl... surprising myself in the process... surprising myself because I'm not attracted to the same old things.

Anyway, not a lot of closure on this post... sorry for that. Hopefully I'll get there some other day.

"So... do you have a girlfriend?"

"So... do you have a girlfriend?"
"No, not at this moment."
"Well, then I will have to take care of that. I will get you a nice girl."
I laughed.
"Why are you laughing?"
"Well, knowing your track-record, I am just worried that you will actually achieve it."

Taken out of context, this conversation that took place somewhere in Asia might actually be interpreted as something very very different. It was actually a nice conversation with a very nice lady that I have had the chance to work with in the last few years.

The thing is that it made me think of where I'm headed. I have become successful at a tender age (or at least I like to think so) and the real challenges ahead - in the short-term at least - look to be of a personal nature, not really professional.

Life is going well in general, but we can always have the discussion around women. What if I'm not really intended to find the woman of my life in the next few years... what if (worst-case scenario) I will never find the right one?

I guess I have just learned one very important thing about myself: I have changed so much I barely recognise the things that used to be fundamental... the things I used to live for. Is that bad?

No idea. I guess I will just have to figure it out as I go along.

The Reply

I've been waiting for this reply for the past week. Nothing... not an email... nothing. It's quite strange, because all my personal life (or almost all of it) seems to have been put on hold.

Of course it's an email from a girl... a woman, rather. What else could it be?

Still, I'm waiting... patiently... desperately.

I don't know how much longer I'll wait. I just know I'll have to state a deadline... something. I can't just be on hold for weeks and weeks, can I?

Maybe I can... maybe I don't want to... or maybe I do.

I'll just have to find out... won't I?

Copenhagen

There is such a thing as "love at first sight"... well, not really love, but "passion at first sight". It happens with girls, special icons and with cities... My experience in Copenhagen was exactly that. After Sweden, Finland and Norway, this was the Scandinavian country I was missing... and it was truly an exceptional experience.

First of all, I was lucky enough to choose a cool hotel, the Skt. Petri. After talking to the incredibly nice concierge/receptionist at the hotel, I was told there were 2 or 3 clubs that were quite hip in Copenhagen and I ended up going to one of them: Nasa. She was kind enough to put me on the guest list and the experience was quite good: lovely space, beautiful women and very good hip-hop music. The DJ could have been better, but nothing is perfect.

The concierge also told me that, strangely enough, one of the coolest bars in town was actually the "Bar Rouge" at the hotel. I thought it was "please spend some more money with us" propaganda, but she was totally right. What a place! Cool music (very good DJ), incredible bar staff in terms of cocktails and service and the women... well, the women were... how can I put it? ... exceptional.

At this stage one would ask: Why is this guy so obsessed with women? Well, first I'm heterosexual and at the moment I'm single, so that would be a good enough reason, but it's more than that: I have this strong belief that women are the single most exceptional work of art that we men have been given the possibility to see here on Earth. That's probably why I prefer cool bars to museums, women to statues or paintings. When you have the real thing, why would you go for a copy.

Well, I have to admit it, I like quite a lot of paintings and sculptures, but I'm just trying to make a point here.

"And the point is?"

The point is that by some wish of God, Denmark has been blessed with some of the most beautiful women in the world. Next to the Czech Republic and Slovakia, probably the most beautiful in Europe (on an average basis of course :-) ). Why? We will never know... but for a strange tourist like me, definitely well worth another visit.

The art of seduction

I have been reading this book for a few years now (yes, years) called the "Art of Seduction", it's mostly and historical characterization of different types of seducers and although I love the book, I have never been able to finish it.

The book defines nine types of seducers: the siren, the ideal lover, etc. After having read the beginning now two times, I believe I'm sort of a natural, ie, a child-like seducer. At least, I would like to think so... :-) Strangely enough, the book just reminds me of how typified our whole society has been come. Let me explain: we all believe there are seducers and "losers". We all believe there are leaders and followers. We all believe that someone has to win and someone has to lose.

What if it was all wrong? What if it was all much more grey than we think?

"But it is" - you would tell me. I would agree and would even say most people would agree with both of us, but we seem to forget it when we create these images of people. When we revere the front cover of Fortune or Time. When we believe in heroes.

We seem to look at other people forgetting the basis on which we live our own life. It is never too happy or too sad. Never too perfect or too imperfect. So why should Bill Gates' life (just an example) be clearer than ours? Why should he not abide by the laws that bound us all to our "normal" lives?

I would dare say that no matter how rich, how heroic someone has been, he has to face the "gravity" of every-day life (on his/her terms) or has several people have once written: "Gravity always wins".

Girls / Women

Well, I give up. I have had extraordinary advise from men and women alike and still don't get it. How does one show interest in a girl?

"You have to show interest, but not too much." or "You shouldn't show any initial interest. Just keep a distance and then go for it." or "You should show total commitment to the girl"...

Guys (and gals), your advice sucks. It doesn't make any sense. You guys (and gals) contradict each other all the time and I am guessing you are not doing it on purpose, so why doesn't it make sense?

Well, I believe - and this is theoretical, so please don't mind me - that your advice is based on specific situations of your own lives. The way you met your girlfriend / boyfriend, etc.

The thing is - and I know this will come as shock - people are different. I am different, most of the girls I get interested in are different (or at least they seem to be) and then you go into the "I'm not really sure method 3 will work. Nor method 1 or 2..." Real life demands real situations, real reactions and I will continue my (with low success) approach to relations... a ad-hoc one... one "made to measure"... typically shocking, most of the times very different, but at least MY approach.

I do hope you will stay as my friends after this ;-)

Hantuchova

Ok, I am a tennis fan. And as most male tennis fans, female tennis transcends the ability to play tennis... yes, I love watching it at times because it's played by women for crying out loud. Some pretty beautiful, others not really. I believe Daniela Hantuchova is the most beautiful of them all these days (in my honest opinion). Long gone are the days of Sabatini ... and I have to say I am one of those "I don't get why Kournikova was such a big deal" kind of guy.

Hantuchova is more interesting than the typical tennis player for several reasons:
- She is extremely beautiful.
- She is technically, one of the best tennis players around with strong all round game and incredible groundstrokes.
- She has problems... some of them strangely public, like her potential anorexic issues and her lack of mental grounding to just become one of the top 5 in the world on an ongoing basis.

Maybe this will seem a bad comparison, and I do apologise to Daniela if I'm not being fair with this, but she illustrates the mess in which we live today. The mess of having a beautiful, talented professional, who has indeed become a star, but cannot live within the boundaries defined by modern life society.

If one does exceptionally well, one is expected to do even better... if one is beautiful, one is expected to become even more beautiful. Indeed, we are becoming Lemmings... following each other without any sense of direction or belief. The strange question I have is: who are they (we?) following? Who are the leaders? Are they as clueless as the followers? If they are, everyone's in big trouble.

So... and just to finish this: Daniela, you are fabulous, you look great, you play incredibly well... just relax and enjoy life and tennis. I am pretty sure you will "kick some butt" along the way, but more important, you'll enjoy yourself (or seem to enjoy yourself) much more.

Travelling

I have now travelled to 30 countries (this is my 30th) in my life and to 10 new ones since I joined the company I have been working for in the last two years.

I know the difference between Economy classes (for short-haul flights) of some airlines and even better the differences between the Business classes (for long-haul flights) of many more. I know a lot of lounges, way too well some Airports in Europe and this is scary. Why?

I feel I've lost some sense of grounding and home... If home is where I spend most of my time (although not too much or indeed many weekends these days) it would be London... if it were to be where my incredible family and my great friends are, it would be Lisbon... if it were to be where my Heart is... well, let's just say my Heart is somewhere between two cities... maybe on an airplane somewhere (and no... it has nothing to do with air-hostesses) just trying to decided where to be.

Lima

I'm now in Peru... basically in Lima. A lot of fog, some normal (winter) weather and that's all... really.

I wouldn't say I am particularly worried about my life at this stage. The recognition that life is to be lived has been intrisic in the last few months, but precisely because of that I think I haven't focused on what really matters ... me.

This is actually a very strange post and actually the start of a new series of potentially very weird and dodgy posts. Beware... Phase 3 has begun.