I have decided to republish my "Thoughts" texts. Perhaps to remind me of how silly I was. Perhaps to remind me of how pure I was. Or just because I want to piss off a friend who said I would take these texts off the Internet when I got to a certain age... YOU WERE WRONG!

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Laranjeiras, October 9th 1997 (Lisbon, Portugal)

The “One”

Well, today I’ll be talking a little bit about the “one” (no, not the U2 song or Elton John’s “One”). Forgive me, you girls out there (even assuming that it might interest you) but I’ll be talking about the girl of one’s life (The One).
Basically, when do you know you have come face to face with the person you want to share the rest of your life with? Moreover, how can you be certain that she (or he [sorry girls]) has any kind of feelings for you?
After 2 years being taken over by these same thoughts, and when I say taken over, I mean really getting obsessed by it, I can only take one conclusion out of it all: you never know the answer to those two questions; at least, you never know for sure.

Talking from personal experience (actually not that good), I have only fallen deeply in love for one girl and now have mixed feelings for another one. The first one was a girl that I never expected to fall in love with, in the first place. I mean, we got along so well that at first it didn’t make sense to have such feelings. In reality (reality does “bite”) it wasn’t meant to happen, some would say, but still having spent some time with her and having felt that way for such a long time (a year or so) you can never really get over it (not in an absolute way). The second one really attracted (attracts) me, not only physically but mainly in a strange “déjà vu” feeling, from day one. More than one year has passed since the day I first saw her and strangely enough I feel strongly for her, albeit not knowing the first thing about her life.

It’s really interesting to notice all the metaphors in our “pseudo-shot at a relation thing”: she “lives” high up, really much higher than me, having almost the image of an immaculate angel or someone that is supposed to save you from falling into disgrace. When I get these feelings, I feel I’m entering shaky grounds, mainly because I’m putting the existence of someone that I really don’t know, on such a pedestal. Sometimes I feel I can’t even put the one I should believe the most in (God, as a catholic) on such high grounds.
It’s strange when you spend days of your existence thinking about the “one”, trying to have an image of her. But what does it all mean?

Is it supposed to make sense?
I sincerely think so. I have to. It has to make sense, but it sometimes fails to do so and it makes you wonder if it’s all worth it.
Nah, then again, maybe it’s just me getting sentimental again, but on the other hand that’s who I am, that is what makes Nuno be Nuno (if you catch my drift ☺).
I really don’t have much more to say today, except that tomorrow I’ll wake up again and she will wake up again too.



MUSIC I WOULD BE (AM) LISTENING TO: “Love is blindness”, U2
FILM I WOULD BE (AM) WATCHING: “While you were sleeping”